The Process of Attachment
By Bob Cooke
At the 1991 ITAA Conference, I attended a workshop on Attachment
facilitated by Barbara Clarke. She defined Attachment as 'an affectional
bond with a relatively long enduring tie in which the partner is important as a unique
individual and is interchangeable with none other. In attachments
there is seeking of closeness that, if found, would result in feeling
secure and comfortable in relation to the partner'.
She went on to say that we are 'biologically wired from birth for
attachments in this world and that the baby's behaviour is
geared towards maintaining an attachment'. For example crying;
calling for care; smiling; eye contact; cooing, etc., all make for
attractiveness to others to elicit care. Therefore, through early
attachment we form our beliefs about self, others and the world.
Attachment patterns which evolve in the first years of life are what
we bring into adult relationships. Past experiences in childhood will
affect the way we behave, think and feel in adult relationships. For
example, the death of one of my clients' mother and the lack of
closeness with her father, caused a rupture in her attachment
process which has affected the way she thinks, feels and
behaves in close relationships today.
Bowlby (1969) talks about three major categories of the Attachment Model:
- Secure Attachment
- Anxious Attachment
- Avoidant Attachment
Bowlby believes that people who are in the Anxious category may
exhibit characteristics such as being over conscientious and
having conscious and unconscious resentments. Underneath this is
a yearning for love and support. Bowlby subdivides the Avoidant
category into, firstly, the Compulsive Self Reliants, who
withdraw and mock any desire for closeness and love and are afraid
of relying on anyone. Then there are the Compulsive Care givers
who involve themselves in relationships where they always
take care of the other person, even though they may not want
to and the recipient may not want them to. In TA, on the Karpman
Triangle, these clients would be the Rescuers.
These categories are useful diagnostically in order to find the
rupture in the client's early attachment process. I can see the
following categories within each quadrant in the TA model of the
OK Corral from Ernst (1971).
In the Secure Attachment position the client comes from a
potentially healthy position. In the Anxious Attachment position,
the client's existential problem is the Abandonment scare. They
may cling to their caretaker figures, seeing them as more
powerful; they have a fragile sense of self. The Anxious
Avoidant client wants to attach but does not see their caretaker
figures as potent enough to protect them. Thus, the client is
indecisive, moving towards and then withdrawing from contact.
The client with the Avoidant Attachment shuns contact,
believing that no one is able to meet his or her needs.
The client I mentioned above is in the Anxious/Avoidant quadrant.
Her existential belief is that nobody is capable of meeting her
needs. If she found someone who could meet her needs, she would
reject them because of her belief that she is bad and does not
deserve anything good to happen to her. Her position within the OK
Corral and her attachment position correspond with the
following Injunctions:
Don't Exist, Don't Be You, Don't Feel, Don't Be Close, Don't
Trust, Don't Belong, and Don't Be Important.
Combining the above models helps me in treatment planning
and in working with the client to make positive changes in her life.
Interventions that I make with my client concerning the above
will be in line with the client's treatment plan and therefore
important within the overall therapy process.
References
- J Bowiby, Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment (Basic Books, 1969)
- F Ernst, 'The OK Corral', TA] 1, 4 (1971)
Author
Bob Cooke TTA is the Principal Director of the Manchester Institute of Psychotherapy.