Such a powerful message from such a glib middle class Victorian cliché as "little children should be seen and not heard!" I am still astounded by the realisation, that from such messages, during childhood's formative years, long lasting damage is done to the psyche and our perception of ourselves.
Sometimes those messages such as "Don't Exist" can manifest into non-verbal unconscious behaviour. An example of this behaviour was revealed to me recently. Until that moment I was totally unaware of my 'life time' habit of closing my eyelids whilst I was talking to someone. More importantly perhaps, of discounting them. I was shocked and saddened that this person had interpreted my 'action' In this way.
I began to become more aware of my eyes closing as I spoke, but noticed also I did not tend to do this when listening. Why? I kept on asking myself What was this 'action' about? I found myself becoming increasingly conscious of my habit and the difficulty experienced in trying to alter my 'reflex' as it had become, of eyelids closing, or even looking away to the floor. More and more I began to feel panic and fear, as I tried to concentrate on keeping my eyes open. Why was it so uncomfortable?
Questioning these feelings and trying to revisualise the experience of the transactions this time without concentrating on my words, but the memory of my feelings. I discovered what firstly I knew to be true, that I was not, and could not discount another person deliberately. However the underlying or deep-rooted cause was a discount, but a discount of myself. I was discounting my very own existence.
What had become intolerable to me or uncomfortable, was receiving the other person's gaze whilst listening to me talking. This of course meant I existed, someone else was acknowledging me. To recover from this realisation I would close my eyes. I no longer saw my existence recognised by another person. I could be seen, but because I had symbolically removed myself from the other person's presence, by no longer seeing the person, I believed (in Child) myself as not being seen or heard.
Once I recognised this I had to face the knowledge that yes, I do exist. How does it feel to exist? Well that is another story. Just for now children should be seen and heard!