After a series of difficult situations I found myself on a path that was to change my way of life forever.
It began one Friday night, over 5 years ago; I was to meet my first therapist June Brereton. I arrived for my initial session in a very distressed state, not wanting to live, and in terrible emotional pain. As I began to tell my story to June, I was thinking why does this person want to know me? Here for perhaps the first time in my life is someone who did not think I was mad or a freak. Someone who wanted me to talk about how I felt. Express my thoughts and feelings, no matter how bad I believed it all sounded.
From then on I went to see her on a weekly basis. I cried buckets, it seemed to me, almost constantly. At times I wondered if I would ever get through the pain and despair. Over the months following that initial session I went up and down and through a whole range of feelings, and June was there for me.
I can still remember my very first meeting with Bob in those early days. We met as I was leaving my session and he was just arriving for a visit. I remember thinking that he had a kind and gentle look about him, little did I know at that time how our paths would entwine.
After a while June invited me to visit her at the Manchester Institute in Chorlton. I had never heard of this place and felt a little nervous about it. When I got there, my immediate thought was "what would it be like to belong here?" On this occasion I was attending a two-day therapy marathon. We were assembled in June's therapy room at the Institute. This was a major step for me, a turning point. To be in a room with other people all with their own story to tell. All of us, being seen and heard, no matter how painful or strange it sounded. It was here that I began to discover that not all therapy was about pain and terror. I did have fun and laughed at many things, humour has also played a big part in my getting through my personal history in my therapy. During this particular marathon I became aware of how special June was, and still is to me and to others at the Institute.
After that therapy marathon I came to the Institute on a regular basis for both therapy marathons and my sessions with June. I began to realise that I was getting known at the Institute, and was making many new friends and making contact with a variety of interesting people.
By this time June was encouraging me to do the official 101 introductory course to Transactional Analysis. I was yet again on another path in my journey. The two day course was with Bob as the trainer and I can remember being a little in awe of him at the time, imagining myself to be privilege to have him as a trainer.
This two days was very useful, whilst being disturbing, entertaining and sad. However from it, I began to understand where I now was on this path I had chosen. I was developing the idea that I could transform everything I had been doing to a much healthier emotional and physical lifestyle, and step off the path of self-destruction I had been taking unconsciously for most of my life. By this time I was forming much closer friendships with people of like minds, at the Institute, some of whom I am still very close to today. In September I995 1 enrolled on the four year Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy Course which is run at the Institute with the option of just doing the first year as personal development. It was during this time that my son decided that he wanted to leave home and go to live with his father. I was so distressed that I almost dropped out of the training, my main thoughts at the time were that I needed to be alone and sort myself out. I am very glad I didn't. Gradually realising that perhaps what I needed most, was the support that the Institute, my therapist and my friends offered. It would have been the old me with my self-destructive script that would have gone off alone and without the support and the love of my friends. It was a trying and very difficult time and I realised that being with those who cared about me was where I would feel safest and more able to express what was going on for me.
In September I997, I was to take on another route this time in my working environment. Bob invited me to apply for the position I now hold, of Clerical Administrator. I needed time to decide as I was very loyal to my employer at that time and needed to say goodbye to my previous job and old boss. Also I had to consider the fact that Bob could no longer be my trainer as this was a boundary issue for all of us. I decided that I did want this position and in so doing would accept some of these problems and work them through in therapy and in the course of my self-development.
I soon realised that I wasn't losing anything but that I was gaining a new and exciting role at the Institute. I have found my job exciting, sad, irritating and funny. I have also discovered Bob to be a bit of a challenge and a pleasure to work for. Manchester Institute is a very busy place and I have been very surprised to realise that there is so much to running an Institute; training; therapy; renting rooms to therapists, conferences, workshops, therapy marathons, visiting trainers, the list is endless. I stayed in TA training for two years, whilst also completing various two-day workshops and meeting different Trainers, each in turn having a personal impact upon me and each time my therapy would take another path.
In April 1997 I went to my first TA conference at Keele University, I was proud to be a member of the Institute because of the recognition of the Manchester Institute and the high regard people have for Bob and June as Therapists and trainers. I now know that this is where I want to be; surrounded by people that care and want to facilitate others to choose their own personal journey through all the many other "Lifestreams" throughout the world of TA and psychotherapy.
Through my dark tunnel in those early days, came the light and love that shine within the Institute. I am thankful that I had a good friend, who told me about June and took me to see her that very first time. I have grown and developed into the person I am today and I thank you June for the love, compassion, nurturing and encouragement that you have given to me over these years together. The Institute is a busy place where people pass through the door of "Lifestream House". I am very glad to be one of them, my life is on a different path, and working at the Institute as the Administrator I can see a bright future ahead, in both my personal life and my career.