The primary guide for myself as a therapist is an implicit belief in the uniqueness of each human being. Whilst contact and identification with others is of great importance, the recognition of our individuality and therefore potency is what can empower us. This can lead us to taking, as integrated adults, responsibility for ourselves and our lives. It is the recognition of our personal power. which can take us from the position of victim in life to that of victor. The notion of personal power can seem a remote concept to those who, as children, have had any power wrenched from them. Accordingly, they may never have known that they had it and will subsequently give away their power to others. Consequently, they unconsciously repeat the past, and how it was, without recognizing the present, how it is, or the future and how it can be.
Crucial to my own process in therapy has been the recognition that whilst I cannot change the behaviour of others, I can alter my own. Hence, I may not be in control of the cause of any given event, however I can decide the effect it has upon me. This is all naturally, a process not an event. However I do hold within me the knowledge that it is possible. It is precisely this knowledge which motivates me as a therapist and also as a client. I understand the path to be stony and, at times, obscure, but I know it also to contain marvels and revelations.
For some, as children, living is a matter of sheer survival. There may be, at the given moment no time in which to feel feelings, no place in which to grieve. In the therapeutic alliance a place can be found and time offered, as toddlers we may have no words for feelings experienced or we may have been told that it was not OK to feel, or be ourselves. In a trusting therapeutic relationship, words can be found and feelings expressed and validated. The pain may, at times, be great - however, that pain was there anyway, bubbling beneath the surface, unnamed and unacknowledged. For some, just to be heard and have another human being sit alongside the child in them will be a new and invaluable experience.
A major part of the therapeutic process is in the recognition of cause and effect. Uncovering the reason can enable us to understand ourselves and give us insight into why we think, feel and behave the way we do. Earlier this century Sigmund Freud suggested that insight was the key to change and he initially believed that the former would necessitate the latter. Later he discovered, and we now realize, that this is not automatically the case. After insight comes choice. We can decide to continue in the old way, thus adhering in Transactional Analysis terms to our script, or to change our behaviour and write a new and healthier script for ourselves. When one thing goes, another will always replace it, even if that thing is a feeling of emptiness which can, in itself, seem tangible. This, in my perception, is part of the nature of life. The recognition of personal choice can be a crucial element in the therapeutic process and one which I value. As a therapist, one may facilitate the clients to recognize the choices which they are able to make for themselves. Hence old destructive patterns may be replaced by new and constructive ones. When human beings feel that they are not in control of their own destiny, depression and a sense of powerlessness and victimization can result. When the cause is uncovered, the results or symptoms can, at the clients own pace,,, be alleviated and ultimately cured.
When we as humans become aware of our own potency and strength it can lead us to take responsibility for our own actions. One of my goals as a therapist is to encourage others to see their own power and to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. TA maintains that we are all reasoning and intelligent human beings. To have as a goal, the empowerment of others to gently influence future generations, the power always being with the client. I believe that if others understand themselves, they are less likely to abuse, others by repeating old destructive pattering with younger generations, the recognition of ones impact upon others is crucial here. In a healthy and respectful client/therapist relationship one can learn that we all have an impact upon others, we do matter and ultimately the aim is for the client to recognize their own significance in relation to themselves.
My conviction is that we can choose to be loving and compassionate beings with fulfilled lives whether or not we experienced those things as children. Central to this can be the establishment of a true and contactful link between the client and therapist. This may lead clients into contact with their own true selves. My belief here is that, with diligence old demons may be laid to rest, although perhaps not entirely banished , and new and fruitful horizons glimpsed and enjoyed. My glimpses and experiences of that horizon are also my guides.
In 'Scripts People Live' Claude Steiner stated that 'all emotional difficulties are curable, given adequate knowledge and proper approach'. Central to this is Steiner's belief 'People are born OK' and that 'People in emotional difficulties are nevertheless full intelligent human beings'. At the heart of this is the TA concept of 'I'm OK you're OK'. Client and therapist are equals who each bring different qualities to the therapeutic alliance. It is my belief that in addition to these concepts being fundamental to TA, cure, in any measure, cannot take place without the concepts becoming reality in the relationship between the client and the therapist.
Eric Berne differentiated between 'getting better', the process, and 'cure', the possible end result. This can mean the difference between consolidation and transformation, the client can, in Berne's words, simply 'make progress' or improve an existing life script, or transform his or her life entirely by a change of life script. The former can seem easier and the latter a lofty goal in the initial stages of therapy and change is gradual. Empowerment of the individual relates directly to Berne's belief as does facilitating insight. I would suggest that a client needs to recognize that they have already formulated a lifescript and also possess the power to change it, in order to transform. To recognize that we can be 'doers' as well as 'done to' leads to acknowledgment of personal choice. For some 'making progress' will be all they desire and others will stop at nothing short of transformation, perhaps a life long process. Berne in 'Principles of Group Treatment' used the analogy of the frog who can have a more comfortable skin, but remain a frog, or the frog who transforms himself into the prince or princess within.
Berne documented four stages of cure, the first three of which he believed could be goals in themselves as well as part of the process leading to cure. The first stage is social control which entails a strengthening of the Adult ego state, enabling the client to take behavioural control of their life. Second comes the stage of Symptomatic relief during which the client, with the Adult in charge, moves on to make changes in the Child and Parent ego states, resulting in the client being less likely to engage in destructive behaviours, as change is made at a deeper, intra psychic level. Thirdly he called this stage Transferential cure and it is here that client considers the therapist as a substitute for the original parent, hence more positive messages are given and change and relief are attained at a more profound level. In the fourth stage comes Script cure which involves changes being make in the Child with Adult support, Redecison. This relates directly to the empowerment of the client, hence the wealth of choice available to her. Whilst cure is always the goal, some clients will choose 'a more comfortable skin' a decision to be respected. Cure, I would contend, is principally in the hands of the client, whilst the skills of the therapist are of great value. Ultimately, the power is with the client whilst giving credence to the therapist, which enhanced the appeal of Berne's four stages of cure to myself as a trainee therapist.
Richard Erskine (1973) had cited six stages in the process towards cure.
Again Erskine suggests that the therapeutic process involves moving from a powerless position to one of power, leading to taking responsibility for change. However, Erskine's proposed final stage, that of forgiveness, may be considered contentious. lan Stewart in TA Counselling in Action states that 'at the final stage the client extends forgiveness to the parents, saying to himself "my parents did the best job they were capable of doing".
My own view in this is that forgiveness is a matter for each individual client to decide upon. I would recommend that the central issue here is one of acceptance rather than forgiveness. Whilst some parents undoubtedly do their best, others, categorically, do not. Whilst taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, we can hope that our parents will do the same. In cases of abuse, it may add insult to injury to expect a client to forgive their abuser/s. Alice Miller, a respected writer and psychoanalyst contends that we need not forgive our parents, but may instead choose to channel our feelings into ensuring that future abuse is challenged and ultimately lessened. An argument supported by some holocaust survivors. I am suggesting that if a client chooses not to actually forgive it does not mean that they are not cured or that their decision is not constructive.
If a client views forgiveness as a vital component in their own process and ultimate cure, I would support them wholly. However, I regard that decision to be at the discretion of each unique and individual client. Berne suggests that the key to total cure is in the formulation of a new lifescript. My own interpretation of script cure is that the client becomes not what they might have been but all that they are, their own unique self, each with the ability to function, love, relate to others and fulfill their own potential and make clear unhindered decisions in the here and now uncontaminated by the past.